Creative Slump – One Month to Query – Panic

It’s been a couple of day’s since March 1st, the release date for the final episode of the first season of 2099 – The podcast, but who cares? Right, like no one. It’s not like people are lining up to listen to this podcast, it’s not like I have thousands of fans ready, eager for that drop.

So in a sense it’s okay for me to slack off. I was in a really good place at the beginning of the year, but now I’m struggling. I’ve talked about my projects in the past, so I’ll talk vaguely about them again. Book has reached around 86k. Which is super nice. But now I’m drained. Creatively.

But now comes the worst part, or the part that I hate most about writing, and that’s revising. But you gotta revise, because you’re your own worst critic. The thing is I gave a copy to some people, one to my best friend (she hasn’t even started it), and another one to a person I know will hold it dear and close to her heart. So far reaction to the story has been great, and some plot points have been found that need work. And that’s great. But now I fear she’s stopped reading. Even though she sounded really excited to read it. She’s stopped. But that’s fine, I can’t force her to read. I’m thinking that I did give her the worst possible version of book. Spelling mistakes, sentences that have no prose. I’ve been slowly going through it, and fixing it. But at times it’s hard. I’m happy with what turned out, and how the story goes. So that’s good. I’ve set my deadline that I’ll start querying in April. So yeah, wish me luck. I’ll have to line up agent’s that I want to query to. Then wait for their respond. I’m also currently dealign with the emotional roller coaster that is not having a job. I’m thinking I’ll apply to a local gamestop kind of store see if they’ll take me. Also Starbucks is always an option, I would have to learn how to make Starbucks put that’s whatever.

Not all hope is lost though, a friend of mine is opening a vegan coffee shop, and I’m sure she’ll give me a job even if it’s just for tips. I wouldn’t mind that actually.

Oh, I forgot, but I’ve submitted book to a contest called Author Mentor Match Program, I have no idea who I want to be paired with (I selected the author’s randomly :p). But you know it would be a real big step for me if I could get an actually published author behind my project.

Big sigh. The draft I sent was not pretty. So I don’t have a lot of hope.

I’ve resigned myself that I’ll never be enough of a good artists, so that actual companies hire me. So all I can do is try and start projects that could later be made into something else, and if not at least they live in book form.

I started taking a drawing class with a close friend of mine, but the class was so incredibly awkward, come saturday I dread going. Only a child, her mother, the teacher (my friend) and me attend the class, and it’s all in his house.

I thought that maybe the classes could lead to me getting to know him as a friend, but I don’t really see that happening.

Okay, the way he phrases things, and the way he asked me if he would see me at that person’s party, he didn’t even show to that person’s party, whatever right.

But straight boys (TM) piss me the fuck off, with their double meanings.

Here’s the thing, straight men and gay boy’s can only be friends, if they’re no feelings involved, and saying things like that makes me think that somewhat he wants to see me?

But why, you know.

And then I start overthinking, and thinking that maybe he’s into me, and that something could happen if only I push a little bit harder.

BUT FUCK THAT. I ain’t about to get my feelings hurt. So straight boys can fuck the fuck off. You don’t phase me bitch!

Stay in you’re lane.

Straight boys, don’t do this to gay boys, give them hope that you’re interested, and back off once you realize that a gay guy can actually suck you’re dick, and you’re afraid you’ll like it because you’ve thought about it.

Do you masturbate with pictures and videos of other men? No…


I DON’T FUCK WITH BISEXUAL BOYS!  (Unless they already know their bi, I aint about that life of getting the bisexuality out of you)

Back to the drawing class, the fact is the class is in a couple of hours, and I’m thinking just go under the covers and ignore, then when I wake up get out of the house, go to a starbucks, buy me a drink, and sit there and draw or something, then go back home and tell my folks that I did something. In fact going out alone is not all that bad. I’ve experienced it last saturday, and it was actually really nice. I can even take my laptop and work on my shit you know. 

That’s the tea sis, I put that screenshot there because this is not the first time a straight guy has sweet talked to me, it probably means nothing and I’m overreacting because I’m so lonely.

I’m just so lonely.

My cat keeps me company though, as I type on keyboard every single day, he sleeps next to me.

My schedule is shit, I wake up at 5 in the afternoon, go through the night, and then come out in the morning just to feel really sleepy as morning comes and wanting to hit the hay. So yeah, my schedule is shit. Don’t be like me. Have a normal schedule.

Non the less. I’m trying to watch all of the anime that is available but it’s just not possible. Impossible.

Up to date – Mob, Neverland, and DMHS. I’ve fallen behind on all the other shows.

On Netflix – Working Moms. This show really speaks to me, so far topics like sexual lust, cheating, sexism in the workplace, and other topics have been covered. I’m liking this, but it’s what I call a white comedy. It only needs the laugh track. It’s okay I guess.

What I’m playing – I bought Dragon’s Dogma, and I’m really looking forward to sink my gnarly teeth into that. I want to finish RE 2 before hand, but that game is hard. And Mr. X scares the living crap out of me.

So yeah, life sucks, jobless, and it’s hard for me to find motivation for creative endeavors. What else is new?

I’ve opened a new blog, check it out, I’ll post interesting stuff on there. Like news, and things that I find around the net. It’s like a link blog, covering video games and tech news. I think I might write a tutorial on there soon.

Around my circle.

Author: FJ

A young fantasy writer during the night, motion graphics and illustration during the day. Currently living in Mexico. Aspiring to make a feature film.

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